You can’t run away from your past. You can try. You can run all the way to South Korea if it so behooves you. But it will find you. In a sweet and unintentional way it will pop up out of nowhere. And apparently it will only take three weeks.
South Korea wasn’t about running for me. Well, not all about running. Probably a firm 40 percent was “I gotta get outta here” while the other 60% was methodical, planned out, “what’s the best for Amy right now” kind of decision. I knew I was leaving Orlando this Fall, but with quite literally the world as my canvas, I had no idea where was the right place for me. I spent six months figuring out whether this was the right direction based on logic and practical reasoning. Neither of which am I truly a fan of. I have been chasing my tail in Orlando the past few years and feeling like I haven’t accomplished anything that I wanted to by this point in my life.
Resources are always a problem too. It’s hard to just pick up and move somewhere without the promise of the job when resources are in low supply. No matter how many months you spend planning for this change, that’s an awful big leap of faith. I also didn’t want to move somewhere and start over with some $10 an hour job (no disrespect to anyone intended) without the promise of building a career in a company and industry that I want to be a part of. South Korea offered me a plane ticket here, an apartment, a well paying job doing what I love, and the promise of new scenery for a minimum of one year. Do I plan to live here forever? Absolutely not. But I am enjoying my time here and in the big scheme of things, that’s really all that matters to me right now.
I’m 29, so I’m basically a thirty something at this point, and I have amazingly wonderful and supportive friends and parents, the best little animal I could imagine in Charles, and a pretty darn good resume if I may say so. But I’m bored. And a little sad today. I don’t believe in regret and I don’t believe in living in the past, but I do wish things would have turned out differently for me and certain people in my past. I try not to spend my time focused on things I know can’t be changed and I also very firmly believe in being smarter than yourself- know your weaknesses, know your faults, and most of all know your strengths. When you are in an environment where your weaknesses are in control, you have to change the environment. It’s easy to let yourself fall into a depression and not accept responsibility for the things that make you unhappy. It’s easy to sit around and feel sorry for yourself and expect everyone else to as well. But it takes an awful lot of strength to recognize the anger and the sadness before you let it take control, to put a stop to it, and to create a new, happier, destiny. You have to be smarter than yourself.
This is my cupcake shop. I was walking nearby and it beckoned me with Kelly Clarkson’s song “Never Again” which was playing loudly for their patrons and anyone strolling by within earshot. Someone is trying to tell me something today and I’m not quite sure what it is. There have been too many coincidences today, too many reminders of the past.